In most movies the really cool jobs the new hire is chosen in some manner of cosmic selection or they pass a series of tests unusually tests, and then end up getting the job because they didn't follow the test's instructions or said something really inappropriate or outlandish that convinces the stuffy higher ups that this rebel is perfect man or woman for the job. I can say, as a recent graduate real life interviews are nothing like that. I think I actually nodded off in my last one which featured two tests, a panel interview, and a one on one with via video conference with someone important. Maybe it was this gantlet was put forth to weed out the lesser candidates, like myself who after wards, probably knew less about the actual position then I did going in. It's always the same cookie cutter questions as well, and everyone is looking for a "culture" fit. Which I have determined is a just a way to be racist or sexist or whatever-ist without coming out and saying it. Plausible deniability for the HR department or management when they just end up hiring someone's son or friend.
Ok, I know I sound bitter, maybe its because I graduated and have been on probably fifteen interviews, some of them call backs and not had one single offer. It's like I have been black balled. Every person I met seems to think I'm so impressive and a fantastic candidate yet here I am sitting in my parent's basement deciding if I should play another game of Madden or turn on some porn just loud enough to make my parents uncomfortable.
That's another thing, they supported me through school and took care of me and now I constantly think of ways to torment them on a daily basis. Maybe it's because I am just angry with my own failures and they are my emotional scapegoat. But I know it's got to be hard for them as well. I am not suppose to be here. I can't shake the feeling that they feel they have done something wrong as well. It just sucks. It sucks for me and it sucks for them, they are good people.
The worst part is you think that with all of this interview practice, I would be getting better. But I am not. Just getting worse. Probably the constant rejection that is waiting down my already somewhat melancholy natural disposition. I am not not as receptive to feedback and definitely snapped at a poor designer who asked a basic question in one interview last week.
I was about to give up and get a job as waiter somewhere, but then I would probably have to pass a drug test and with my constant rejection raining over me on a daily basis, I might have been dabbling in some illegal substances. Or would that be the only place I wouldn't be tested. Now that I thought about, most of the major companies I was interviewing for would probably want me to take some kinda of test. Which I would then fail and then I would be back to square one. It was a vicious cycle I was locked in and like I mentioned earlier, probably about to just give up.
I think there is some saying about from rock bottom hope springs eternal, or maybe it's when you've lost everything your free to do anything. Either way, I was pretty low, but I had a roof over my head and food in my belly so my plight was not as dire as it was for most of the people in today's world. Which is why when a got an email asking to come in and talk about the role of Proximity Adjuster in a support role, I didn't send it straight to the trash bin. I responded. Their was no company name or details about what a Proximity Adjuster did, just a time and place. In my response I attached my resume and asked if my name and information had been provided by one of the three or four recruiters that were currently working on my behalf and what was the name of their company as the email was just proximityAdjuster1@blank.org. Blank.org is just a blank page and after some quick research, doesn't really mean or support anything. Glassdoor had no listing for proximity adjuster, however adjuster seemed to be a prevalent title in the insurance world, which certainly wasn't sexy for my first choice, but at this point I just needed a job.
No formalities, we know all about you. Please be at the aforementioned time and place. All will be explained.
Cryptic and vague. I was hooked, I grew up watching movies and reading sci fi novels, so I knew this was my chance. The men in black were real, and with my 3.44 GPA, short list of extracurriculars and zero to no experience or combat training I was the perfect candidate.
So the day of I dressed in my best interview suit. I had three interviews suits, mostly because I had three suits, one I got for my cousin's wedding, one for formal events in college, and one for some reason I can't remember. All of these had become my interview suits. I know most people today don't wear suits into the office and most people that I'd seen interviewing with me did not wear a suit as well. But there was something about putting it one on, it helped me get in the proper mind set, like I was a super hero donning my cape to go out on patrol. That's a shit analogy because if I was a super hero I would never wear a cape. That's one of the big life lessons taught from the Incredibles.
As a headed towards 1429 Attendbourgh Court, I thought about the fact that maybe too many of lessons to live by came from Disney movies. Or maybe that most of my expected life experiences were shaped from movies in general. I mean to this day, I honestly thought I was headed for an interview with the real life Men in Black and I was about to find out if aliens really existed. I was having an heated internal debate as to if I would be able to actually server all ties to my current life. My parents already thought I was a disappointment, so maybe just disappearing would be better for them. Which made me think about what happened to J's parents or cop buddies in the movie. Did they mention something? I think they might have, but I couldn't remember. This side tangent of mental wondering took me all the way to the location. It was a basic 3 story office building, glass windows, nothing special. I parked in a spot marked visitor and headed for the main entrance, there was no suite listed on the address, so I guess I was assuming the entire building was "blank.org".